(Sunday, February 15, 2009)
i don't know.
i don't know what to do, what to say.
it might not be the worst difficulty in my life,
but this was the first time i actually thought of attempting suicide.
i cannot give my logical answers now.
i cannot think about what values i have.
i don't even know who i am,
what am i made of.
i feel like an unwanted piece of shit.
what i feel now isn't what i'm thinking.
i have become illogical, everything around me is just like a stack of building blocks that have just come tumbling down.
i don't know.
i really don't.
what should i do?
i hate myself,
the things i do,
the things i say,
the things that i can't resist,
the things i take advantage of,
the things and people i like,
the things i left unsaid,
the things i've been lying about,
the things i want,
the things i need,
the things stuck in my head,
the things i cannot do,
the things that just basically makes me, me.
god,
if you're out there,
just either rip out my soul,
or let me gain enlightenment.
cause my life, isn't on the right track at all now.
i don't know what to do, what to say.
it might not be the worst difficulty in my life,
but this was the first time i actually thought of attempting suicide.
i cannot give my logical answers now.
i cannot think about what values i have.
i don't even know who i am,
what am i made of.
i feel like an unwanted piece of shit.
what i feel now isn't what i'm thinking.
i have become illogical, everything around me is just like a stack of building blocks that have just come tumbling down.
i don't know.
i really don't.
what should i do?
i hate myself,
the things i do,
the things i say,
the things that i can't resist,
the things i take advantage of,
the things and people i like,
the things i left unsaid,
the things i've been lying about,
the things i want,
the things i need,
the things stuck in my head,
the things i cannot do,
the things that just basically makes me, me.
god,
if you're out there,
just either rip out my soul,
or let me gain enlightenment.
cause my life, isn't on the right track at all now.